Silent Knight
by Snow Duchess
Summary: Silence is a double edged sword. Oneshot.


_Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of Final Fantasy IX, its world, or its characters._

_Mild SLASH warning. This came as a random burst of inspiration and a refreshing pause from my Final Fantasy VI writing (don't worry, I'm still working on that)._

**Silent Knight**

Silence is a double-edged sword.

Despite his promise, Zidane never came back. The weeks turned into months, and the months have now become a year. My heart aches as I am forced to watch my queen suffer, losing hope day by day. Duty, however, binds my tongue. I cannot tell her that as she breaks, I also break. I cannot tell her that as she cries, I also cry, if only within. I cannot tell her that as she mourns a love lost, I mourn a love that can never be.

I realize the wrongness of it. I first knew Garnet when she but a small child and I was yet an adult. Then came the day I pledged my life to her as her guardian and later her general. How little I knew how blurred the line separating my duty from my affection would become.

A year gone, and now, according to the servants, Garnet has ceased eating. I make my way the throne room, and Steiner salutes me as I approach, his armor creaking loudly as he does. With only a slight nod to him, I enter the main hall, stride to the throne, and kneel before my queen.

"Highness." As I stand, I glance to the long oaken table on the eastern wall, noting her dinner had not been touched. "Highness, you must eat something."

She meets my eye, and it pains me to see that hers are empty. "I don't feel like eating."

I step to her side. "Sometimes we must do things simply for the sake of doing them," I tell her softly. "Please do not forget, Highness, that you have a kingdom to rule."

"And I do, Beatrix."

"Yes, but you need to keep your strength up," I remind as I put my hand over hers.

"What if I have no strength left?"

"My queen, do you think Zidane would want you to forsake the years of your prime and waste away in grief?"

I immediately kick myself as Garnet's gaze slowly lowers, her eyes brimming with tears. There are times when silence is the best course of action, a concept I had so foolishly failed to recall at this precise moment. I kneel at her feet once more and gently touch my sword-calloused fingers to her now wet cheek.

"I apologize, Highness. I did not mean to upset you."

Garnet's eyes open and stare into my good eye, and I swear I see a flicker of emotion behind the hollow sadness. She brings her own hand to mine and presses my palm more firmly against her cheek.

"You only speak the truth, Beatrix. You only ever speak the truth." She sighs. "All right, I will eat something…for you if not for myself."

She places a light kiss on my forehead and rises from her throne. Slowly, I follow, trying to force down the blush that threatens to make itself known.

Twilight comes, and I finish my rounds of the castle. When I reach my bedchambers, I am startled to find Garnet standing at the doors to my balcony, looking out over the castle grounds.

I quickly salute. "Highness, is something wrong?"

"Will it get better?" she asks without prelude.

The question catches me off guard. I step into the room and close the door behind me. The moment I turn to face my queen, I find her arms slung around my neck as she buries her face into my chest. I feel her hot tears soaking through the fabric of my uniform, and my skin burns at their touch.

"Tell me it will get better," she begs, her plea muffled against me.

I sigh to myself and try not to think of how close she is holding me. "I don't know that it will."

She lifts her head and looks up at me with red puffy eyes. "Then lie to me?"

I clench my eye shut and pray my restraint holds out. "I…I could never lie to you, Highness…"

"Then do something, anything to stop this pain!" My resolve begins to crumble. "I can't stand feeling this way, Beatrix! Make it stop! I just need you to make it—"

I silence her with my lips. I am not surprised when her delicate royal hands clutch the collar of my uniform and pull me closer, urgency taking hold as her tongue desperately seeks mine. My will surrenders to passion, and I push her into the wall of the chamber, all formality of gentleness lost in the whirlwind of emotions. Pulling back just enough to lift her up, I nearly slam her back against the wall as her legs wrap around my waist. My mouth stays crushed against hers and she clutches to me tightly. Even when our lips part, she refuses to let go, her fingers remaining entangled in my hair as we struggle to regain our breath.

Finally, I lower her so her feet again touch the floor, and we stand resting our foreheads against one another. I hear her whisper my name and it pangs me. Shakily, I drop to one knee and hold my fist to my heart, bowing my head in shame. Garnet soon kneels beside me and whispers into my ear.

"You know, every girl dreams of her knight in shining armor that comes to rescue her, sweep her off her feet, and carry her off into the sunset. As far back as I can remember…you've always been my knight, Beatrix…and you'll always be my knight…"

Garnet stands and quietly withdraws from the chamber. I know she is trying to be strong. As soon as I hear the click of the door shutting, my legendary strength shatters, and I break down and cry.

The world around me fades as I retreat within myself for the remaining hours of night. When finally morning comes, my composure has returned, and I draw Save the Queen from her sheath. I hold the garnet-encrusted sword, the symbol of my honor and fealty, before me. For the briefest moment, I wonder if I still have the right to wield the holy blade, or if my oath has been so jeopardized by my emotions that I should walk away now.

I shake my head to clear such thoughts. Garnet is still my queen, and I am still her knight.

She will marry, of course. The realization is no stranger to me; a queen has her obligations, just as I have mine. Thus, out of duty, I remain silent, my feelings again confined to the shadows as I deny the very essence of my being.

If silence is a double-edged sword, then duty will be the loss of me.


End file.
